Nancy glanced at the skies for ominous warnings.  Today was her wedding anniversary.  It had not rained once since that fateful day years and years ago when Nancy said "I do" to Ned.  Their wedding was a wash out.  Literally. 

Nancy dreamed of an outdoor wedding, on a stage of course, amongst all God's woodland creatures.  She had rented an amphitheatre at a state park for what seemed to be a perfect outdoor wedding day.  Not one drop of rain in the history of that date for all eternity. 

But on her wedding day it rained. And it rained and rained and rained and rained and rained.  It flooded her amphitheatre. She had to resort to plans A, B, C, D, and E before finally throwing her hands in the air and stating "Send the horse and carriage home!"

Frugal Ned, on the other hand, realized they had already paid for a horse and carriage and there were no refunds.  No, he insisted, Nancy would still have her grand, dramatic horse and carriage entrance. 

 

The wedding party lined up, umbrellas in hand, with the Irish Bag Piper leading the caravan piping away traditional Irish wedding tunes while the douched troupe rounded the Lodge parking lot.  The Lodge had windows on all four sides so it made for a remarkable image in the dark.  The haunting sound of bag pipes, the neighing of horses, the clomping of wagon wheels, the bitching of the wedding party.

As the horse and carriage rounded the final corner, the carriage door popped open and all the water that had been ballooning on top of the covered carriage drained right onto Nancy's beautiful wedding gown.  The gown with the long beaded and sparkling train that was never seen by a soul. It had to be tacked up from the get-go to avoid damage from exiting the carriage and entering the Lodge during a thunderously stunning wedding entrance.

Nancy sighed.  She heard signs of rain on a wedding day meant fertility.  Five children in, she believed that now.  And also that signs of rain might be a warning straight from God himself.

Nancy kept glancing at her watch.  She texted, she emailed, she phone called.  She was patiently waiting for their eldest son (the one with the expensive new cornea) to come home from college for the night so that Ned and she could have a free babysitter and go out to dinner to celebrate their big day.  The boy was not responding.  She texted again. "DO I NEED TO CONTACT STATE PATROL?????"  "WHERE R U?????"

Nancy called the neighbor girl to come babysit.  She was a great babysitter; but this was going to cost them $10 an hour and $38 worth of delivery pizza for the kids. Off the couple went to a new restaurant, still wondering where the college boy was, and lamenting the increasing price to celebrate wedded bliss.

A lovely dinner was had.  The restaurant delivered a bouquet of roses to their table when they learned it was their wedding anniversary.  The couple reminisced.  Ned reminded Nancy of how he had called her early on the morning of their wedding to let her know that he went to get the oil changed in his car and was involved in a slight motor vehicle accident and broke his ankle and was being transported to the hospital by EMT's right at that moment.  Nancy reminded Ned how his little joke was not funny at all, ill-timed, and insensitive when she had already spent hours that morning decorating an amphitheatre in the rain and had her wedding cake arrive WITHOUT the sparkly promised sugar. Ned made Nancy cry on her wedding morning.

But years and years and years later, the lovely couple sat across from each other at the restaurant, smelling fresh cut roses,  being satiated on steak, lobster, crab, and carrot cake when their bill arrived.  $278.47. Ned looked at Nancy.  Nancy looked at Ned. How in Hades had they spent nearly $300 on dinner for two was beyond their imagination.  They didn't even drink!  They decided to cut their losses and head for home. Home within two hours, they would only owe the babysitter $20.

As they pulled into the driveway, College boy arrived.  "Where have you been?" demanded Nancy, "Why have you not responded????"  The College boy laughed.  "It's a long story but my phone ended up lost under the car seat.  I couldn't find it but kept hearing you call.  The state patrol text made me laugh when I saw it."

 

Hrmph thought Nancy, she was about to let the College boy have it when all the children and babysitter came running out of the house screaming.

"Your kitchen sink is backing up.  The drain. Sewage. EVERYWHERE!" Yelled the babysitter over the bedlam.

Nancy looked at Ned.  Ned looked at Nancy.  The plumber was on speed-dial. It was a weekend. It was evening. It was the most expensive anniversary. EVER.

But not a drop of rain in sight.